Notice to Extraterrestrial Aliens visiting the Interstellar Vinegar Museum

Notice to Extraterrestrial Aliens

Welcome to the International Vinegar Museum

Dear Aliens,

Many of you have confused us with Roswell, New Mexico. While this is a perfectly easy mistake for non native speakers, The International Vinegar Museum is in Roslyn, South Dakota, Latitude 45°22'30", Longitude 97°22'30".

This little confusion being cleared up we would like to invite and welcome you to The International Vinegar Museum. You should fit right in here. With the exception of extraterrestrial renegades from the fourth quadrant masquerading as earthlings, the inhabitants here are quite friendly. We are sure you will find some interesting vinegars to take to your planet back as unique souvenirs. The quality of vinegar here is much better than that found in the outer perimeter of the asteroid belt.

Since we are a small town however, we will ask your cooperation in making your visit a pleasant one.

1. Please park your spaceships on the football field. It should be easy to find from the air. You will see a large field with some benches and a goal post on each end of the field. It is a pretty safe town, so you don't really have to lock it.

2. We do not charge interstellar aliens for parking here. In fact we don't charge anyone.

3. Though we get a lot of earthlings from various place on our planet and are used to various manifestations, the extraterrestrial visitors who live and visit here all cloak themselves as earthlings. If you do not have such cloaking devices and you have a slightly different appearance, for example three heads with green scaly skin or extremely long tail with eyes on the end, some of our kids may point and/or stare. Small kids may even scream or run away. We hope you will forgive their impoliteness and ignore them. They will get over it and get used to you as more of you visit us.

4. Our local bank is a small branch so it does not do money exchanges. So if you are short on US currency, please see "The Vinegar Man". He has a very flexible bartering program.

5. If you have a large group we would appreciate it if you would call ahead, 605 486 4536. Let us know if you have special needs. (We watched ET so we know you know how to do this.)

6. If you have anything which could be construed to be a weapon of mass destruction, you might want to leave it behind on the mother ship and take a shuttle down or just beam yourselves down. WMD's are a rather sensitive subject at the moment. It is also advisable to leave behind any head wraps which might be construed to be a turban or head scarf. The earthlings in the immediate area are pretty cool but we do get a lot visitors from other sectors.

7. We don't have many M&Ms in town so if you want something special to eat, you'd better let us know. We are pretty much burgers and fries here. But we can make a lot of unique delicacies if you let us know ahead of time. Other aliens have found our road kill menu extremely interesting. Chunk of Skunk or Splat of Cat topped with spoon of coon, or Smear of Deer with a side of squished fish have been popular in the past. How about a little road toad for dessert. And of course they will all taste even better when you sprinkle a little vinegar on them.

8. If you are looking to hook up with other extra terrestrials, come to The International Vinegar Festival, Saturday June 17th, 2006. They tend to congregate on that date. Decloaking devices will enable you to spot them rather easily. I should warn you though that there has clearly been some interbreeding between earthlings and extraterrestrials and the results can cause to you to mistake an earthling for an extraterrestrial.

If we can be of any further assistance, please call or beam down one of your representatives.We will extend to you our super sour powered hospitality.